Last Summer...

Ok so I know that nobody reads this anymore. But I needed a place to write what I was thinking. A place that nobody, or just a few of my close friends would read. I was going to write in a journal about it, but those are for little kids. Then, I was going to write a song about it, but I can't make everything I'm thinking rhyme, and it bugs me when a song doesn't rhyme. Then, I was going to post a note on Facebook about it, but there's too many people I have friended who I don't want hearing things like this. So I found my long lost blog. Ok, so it isn't long lost, I updated it 2 weeks ago, but I hardly ever update it anymore and nobody hardly reads it anymore. So anyway, here it goes.
With summer approaching, I am getting more and more excited by the day. No more school, no more homework, no more drama. Just relaxing and chillin' with my besties. What's not to be excited about? But as I think of what I'm going to do over this summer, I think back to last summer: the summer I easily call the best one of my life. Gosh do I miss it. As excited as I am for this summer, I can't help but feel miserable about it too, because it will never be like last year. Last year I did so much with my friends. Going to Water World was amazing and I'm sure as hell going to do that again this summer. Vacation was awesome and I know the one this year is going to be better. But there is one thing in my life that I'm 99.9% sure of that will not be there again this summer: him. I'm not going to name names here because if you are reading this, you should know who he is. The best thing to happen, and unhappen to me since, well...ever. I had hung out with him before when I was younger, in elementary school. It had been six years since I had talked to him outside of school. In school we had just talked about schoolwork when our desks were by each other. We had lost our friendship. Not hanging out with him anymore hadn't even phased me. I began to think of him as a jerk. But then, almost exactly a year ago, on April 24th, we found each other again. It was arts day at school and the next day, we didn't even have school. Funny thing was, that during the dancing portion of that day, I had mentioned him for the first time in years: saying I could tape him dancing and use it as blackmail. The first time I had mentioned him in years was on the same day that we hung out for the first time in years, only hours before. Anyway, that night I was outside playing basketball. I don't know why because I hate basketball, but I was outside alone playing basketball in my driveway. Then, he just came out of his house and started playing with me. We hadn't hung out in years, and here, in eighth grade, we were playing basketball together and talking together like two old friends would. It got later and later and soon his brother joined the game. A very unfair game I must say, as it was 2 on 1 with them against me. Ask them and they'll tell you otherwise, but I totally won. It started to get dark, and we went into the backyard. and just talked and hung out. It was funny, though, because usually with guys (especially guys that I haven't talked to in forever, or guys I hardly know) I am not myself. I am serious and somewhat quiet, not wanting to scare them away with my crazy, carefree attitude. But with him, I could be myself, as wild and crazy as I wanted, even though we hadn't talked in ages. And I actually felt like he was listening to me when I spoke. Sometimes I don't think even my best friends listen to me when I talk. But he listened, and months later could recite something I had said back on that very day. It's not very often you find a 'jerk' who can do that. So I came to the conclusion that when he wasn't with his awful friends, he was not a jerk. He was a sweet, funny, very cute guy. We stayed out until 11 that night, and we would have stayed out longer had his parents allowed. We mostly spent the whole time talking and to this day, I remember some of his exact words...(I'm going to insert a fake name for the girl)
Him: "Yeah so you know Jane? Well I was thinking about asking her out. She's cool and I like her. She's pretty too. You think I should do it?"
Me: "If you really like her, then yeah."
Him: "What about you, got any boyfriends lately?"
Me: "Psh! Me? Have a boyfriend? No way. I'm not pretty enough that anyone in their right mind would want to go out with me."
Him: "Sarah, you are pretty."
Me: "Yeah right, you're just saying that to be nice. What else can you say? Yeah you're right, you're ugly?"
Him: "Sarah, I wouldn't lie to you."
And that's where I stopped arguing with him. Because the way he said it and they way he looked at me when he said it told me that he wouldn't lie to me. Not just about that, but about anything. And that's when I knew that with him, I had a friend better than even the best of my friends.
We continued hanging out and playing basketball outside for the rest of the school year. Then in the summer, we put our pool up and were almost always swimming in it. Then we started to hang out over at his place. I remember those evenings so well. He'd be in the pool with his brother and my brother, begging for me to come swim. Sometimes I'd refuse so he'd just splash me until I was so wet I mine as well be in the pool anyway. And sometimes I'd give in and go willingly. I'd go put my swimsuit on and put my hair up (it took me like 10 minutes to do that). Then I'd go back outside and jump in the freezing cold water, just for him to tell me it was too cold and we were going over to hang at his place. So I'd run back upstairs, throw a tank and pair of shorts on, brush my hair, and run over to his place.
I have to go to bed now, but I'll continue this later. I haven't shared half my thoughts

Sad, but Excited

Ok so I haven't updated this in like 7 months. But I've been super busy and I kinda forgot I even had a blog lol. But today, I was bored so I read through all my posts. And in the one called Depressed from like exactly a year ago, I was sad because I was home and my vacation to Disney World was over. And I said that I would make sure I went back in 2009 even if my parents didn't want to. Well, I am incredibly happy to say that I was right. I am going back this summer for a week!...after I go to New York for a week! Yep, we're going to New York and Florida! We already have our hotels and stuff booked and we're staying at the Westin Times Square in New York and our super nice timeshare in Florida. Oh! And we're also spending 2 nights down in Tampa Bay before we go to Disney World so we can go to Busch Gardens! But anyway, we bought tickets to see The Lion King on Broadway in New York! Our seats are in the 14th row in the orchestra center (which means the very center of the theater)! But yeah, I'm really really excited for that vacation. It's gonna be bomb!!!!! But, right now I'm also really really sad. I just got back from my amazing vacation to Atlantis in the Bahamas. It was amazing! We got to swim with dolphins and I got to stand on one's nose and it pushed me around the lagoon thing. It was so cool! And Atlantis had this waterpark thing with all these slides and one was an 85 degree angle down a 6 story drop, then it went through the shark tank. I rode it 7 times lol. But yeah, it had like this water roller coaster and stuff like that. It was great. Oh oh oh! And Atlantis has the only 2 manta rays in captivity in the Western Hemisphere, so we got to see those. They were absolutely amazing and beautiful. And the resort was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. So overall, I have to say that it was the best vacation I have ever been on! But now it's over and I'm sad. Not that we had to leave (I am sad because of that, though), but I'm mostly sad about actually being home. I would rather be stuck at an airport somewhere now than here at home. Because everything is so stressful here. I mean, on vacation I got to relax and get away from the real world for a week. But now at home, it's like I have to come back to reality and face the drama at school and all the homework and tests I have. So I'm not incredibly sad that I'm not in the Bahamas anymore, I'm just sad that I'm here at home. I hate this place. I'm happy when I'm anywhere but here. So to try and be happy, I'm focusing on my next vacation and trying to plan and research that. But I just realized something: I am hardly ever truly happy here at home. Most of my happiness is just an act I put on so people won't ask me what's wrong. The only times I'm happy here at home are when I'm hanging out with Katie and Shannon (Love you guys!) and when I'm doing something out of the ordinary like going to the zoo or something. And I've realized that my life has no real purpose. I do the same stuff all the time. I stress myself out about going to school, when the purpose of school is to get a career. And the purpose of getting a career is to support your family. And we do all that and stress ourselves out about it...when we are all going to die and go to the same place anyway! So what is the real purpose of life? To be happy? I guess so, but when I'm here, I'm not happy. And because I've realized all this, I am now going to a therapist. I don't know if it's helping me yet, but I hope it does. Anyway, I'm just going to spend the next few months counting down the days until my next vacation. It's 88 days from today, which means I will only brush my teeth 176 more times, get my eyebrows waxed 4 more times, get my hair cut 2 more times, and go out to dinner 24 more times until then. That's how much I'm looking forward to it. And I'll be gone for 18 days, so it'll last a while, which is good.